Trying to go with the flow

I will not stop loving this shirt. Mickey is PISSED!

Does the fact that I am specifically trying to go with the flow mean I am defeating the purpose of going with the flow?

I previously wrote that more is not more, and I’m trying to do things differently for the next little bit.  In the spirit of this, when I woke up one day last week and it was beautiful and light out at 5:15, I decided to go with the flow and throw myself out the door for an unplanned run.

I didn’t have any clothes or gear set out, Wicket was awake already (way too early) and I had had no plan to run that day.  Also, LEAVING at 5:15 would put me seriously behind in my normal getting ready for work schedule, but I did it anyway. And I had the most gloriously crisp, beautiful run.

The sun was just coming up, it was a beautiful cool but promising warmth day, and there were other runners around.  Tons of people were out and about! My body felt great, my pacing felt super easy and natural, and I did not think about how squashed my routine was going to be for getting out the door on time. It was generally just the loveliest run.

THANK GOODNESS the run was so good and put me in the nicest mood, because the rest of the morning was a bit of a disaster.  I rushed my shower and didn’t shave or put lotion on (sorry MattHowk), did the bare minimum with my hair, then rushed my makeup to the point that I kept messing up my eyeliner.  Anyone who wears liquid liner knows that that means you have to keep doing more and more to fix it, so I ended up taking way too much time on it and looking awfully dramatic for a day at work.  

I threw half a scoop of protein powder and a scoop of beet root powder in some water and drank that in the shower, since I knew I needed protein but also wasn’t going to have time to cook the egg I usually have with my avocado toast.  I did still have the avocado toast, but didn’t afford myself two minutes to sit down to eat it. Rather I ate that and drank my caffeinated Nuun while I cleaned up breakfast and threw some clothes on. And what a vision I turned out to be when I grabbed a 547 year old cardigan out of my drawer and put on whatever jewelry Wicket picked out for me then flew out the door.

I still made it to work on time, and managed to feed Wicket and oversee him getting himself ready for his day, so I guess I can’t have been THAT much of a disaster.  I felt super scattered and spastic, but I was in such a nice mood from that run that it almost didn’t matter! And what extra stuff I usually do that didn’t get done in the morning either got done by MattHowk, or was still there when I got home for me to take care of then.

I suppose this was a good lesson in listening to oneself?  And also that I don’t HAVE to follow my super rigid schedule every morning?  OR do ALL the chores I can possibly think of crammed into the two extra minutes I have?  And that no one DIED because a bowl or a pot didn’t get put away.

I may have been a bit of a manic mess for the rest of the day, but it worked and I think i would do it again.  Why bother being so organized if you’re not going to put it to the test with an unplanned workout and an abbreviated getting ready routine?  It was MAYBE almost fun…

The BEST start to the day, if you’re 4

But this is why we run right?  Especially when it’s too early in the day and we have too much to do to drink.

Tuesday night I legit coasted home.  WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY CAR!? I IMMEDIATELY called the Subaru dealership as soon as I walked in the door, only to be told they are booking 2 weeks out.  Yyyyeeaaahhhh no. So I called my steadfast local garage that has helped Howk and I through our crappy car relationships (to be clear, this car is NOT crappy), and once again they absolutely bailed me out.

Wednesday morning I couldn’t get it to move forward at all, only backwards.  Soooooo into my driveway it was backed, and gravity and a hook got it onto the tow truck.  Thank goodness they were able to tow my noble steed in for her 8am appointment at the last minute.  Wicket said that seeing my car go up on the tow truck was soooooooooo awesome, best morning!

Since I was unexpectedly home, and we were all up and dressed so early, we all went out to breakfast before Wicket went to school!  We were so excited and so hungry that I didn’t take a picture, which we all know I suck at anyway. Steve’s Place in Glens Falls. Totally worth it.  The corned beef hash was amazing, and I was SUPER happy with my stuffed french toast despite the fact that I do not typically choose a sweet breakfast. Wicket reminded me that it’s nice to share. Thanks bud. And you’re welcome.

The garage got back to me nice and early about what was wrong with my car, the transmission fluid line rusted out and all the fluid had leaked out.  So now I was home with a few hours to kill before I had to get Wicket, and I knew it was going to take AT LEAST a few hours more to fix my car, so there was time for a run!  YAY! SUCH a lovely, perfect run! It was warm and sunny and breezy and green and everything on my body felt great. Such a lovely unexpected gift for a Wednesday!

After I got Wicket from school and we picked up my car, we decided to grill the pizza for dinner since we had been gifted more time than we typically have on a Wednesday!  MattHowk just got an Akorn Kamado grill and we’re having fun playing with it. OF COURSE it started to rain as soon as we got started.

It was really good!  A little charred on the bottom for my taste, but still so delicious.  So very like a true woodfired pizza! I used the ATK pizza dough recipe I have been using, some homemade marinara I had in the fridge, some shredded parmesan and mozz I had, and a leftover sausage from last weekend.  We cooked it on the pizza stone in the grill, and I put parchment paper under it like I always do. Even Wicket ate it without a single comment about the char on the bottom. The flavor was incredible, I didn’t think charcoal would be so different from gas grilling.  

Yesterday was absolutely a day for choosing one’s perspective and counting one’s blessings!  I got breakfast out with my guys, a solo outside run at home, time to read in the sun on my patio with a glass of rose, and time to try grilling pizza on the new grill for the first time.  Also a little hit to the savings account, but it sure seems worth it when I consider all that it afforded me yesterday, in addition to a repaired transmission.

As my favorite blogger said this week, running will always be there for us.  It was there for me when I was so stressed yesterday and I was so grateful, as it set me on a better track for the whole rest of the day and allowed me to enjoy a day which otherwise could have been super bad.

This is why we run. Perspective. Joy. Life. Total cheesiness.  Making your readers barf.

Turns out more really isn’t more

I’m having mixed feelings about this.  Part of me wanted there to be no difference.  Part of me needed a step back and wanted to feel better.  Part of me is hard to please!

For the last few weeks I have been running 1-3ish days a week, based on the weather and whether or not I feel like it.  I have, however, still been working out 5-6 days a week, just doing more kettlebell than I typically do. I feel pretty good (other than my gut).  Which kind of annoys me.

It’s nice to feel like I am capable of staying up later than a 4 year old

I’m much less tired.  My sinus infection cleared itself.  This school year and last, I averaged getting sick again about a week after getting over something else.  It’s been two weeks. Which is pathetic, but also a bit of a record lately. All of my pain spots from running are pain free right now.

Not only am I feeling better physically, I am also seeing results in my body.  I have much more definition through my core (when I’m not bloated from whatever is going on in my gut), and I have much less love handle (even though I didn’t have too much to begin with, that’s not where I gain weight).  I seem to be fitting into my bras a bit better again, and I have lost a couple of pounds. When I am running, I am running faster and feeling like it’s taking me less effort to hit those paces.  They feel natural.

Thinking back, the training cycle that I felt best for physically was my second full marathon.  I never ran more than 3 miles midweek at that time, because Wicket was only 1 and I didn’t want to overdo it for him right before dinner time, OR make him fall asleep and screw up bedtime.  I used the Hal Higdon training plan for that one, which doesn’t go over 20 miles for long runs, so all of my long run mileage was reasonable and not overly aggressive. I also never stressed about my long runs because MattHowk was still working nights over the weekends then, so I just put Wicket down for a nap in the room with MattHowk while he slept and out the door I went.  It was just overall NOT a production, it was super easy and natural. I also usually only signed up for one race a year back then. Writing this, it seems like I was prioritizing LIFE, rather than RUNNING.

This is all telling me that while the physical part is obviously important, since one does need to run miles to train for races, my level of stress seems to really manifest in my health.  Both my mental health stress and the amount of stress I am inflicting upon my body in terms of all the miles. I did not realize this. I see other people putting down tons of miles constantly, and it’s hard not to compare myself.  I guess it’s just too much for me to juggle it all, and since I only get the one body I need to respect that. I have been trying so hard to GET EVERYTHING RIGHT that I am clearly wearing myself down, and I had absolutely no idea that it would break me down physically. Maybe dumb, but true. I didn’t think “doing life” was stressing me out that much, but I suppose the nature of momming and being constantly “on” takes it’s toll. Obviously in addition to my particular personality and the work schedules of myself and my husband, I’m sure plenty of other people can cope far better than myself.

It seems that for the foreseeable future I need to just stick to this course!  I’m not going to lie, I AM kind of enjoying it. It makes me feel so free! And it’s making me LIKE running again, rather than view it as one more thing I need to cram into my day.  I guesssssss now I need to clean up my diet a bittttttttt. I guesssssssss. I’m waiting on the Endoscopy for that though. Mostly because I don’t want tooooooooooo.

Corn chowder with accidentally double the cream. So good
BLT on homemade sourdough with basil aioili instead of plain mayo. We’re never going back
My new favorite rose

Thanks for making me a mom, Wicket

Thanks to my very favorite running partner for making me a mom.  I feel so lucky that I got this opportunity.

Together we have trained for 3 full marathons, countless half marathons, ran one half marathon (when I was 25 weeks pregnant), run so many 5ks, outgrown one stroller, taken countless naps, seen a thousand crazy pants things around Glens Falls, and eaten maybe a million chocolate animal crackers.

He has cried, napped, screamed, played games, observed his world, laughed, yelled at me, read, waved to strangers, told me all about insects and spiders, and hummed the Imperial March for me.

We have run in literally all the weather.  In freezing cold when I slid down a hill on black ice with the stroller, and in sweltering heat when he threw his sandals because even they were too much for him.  He has fogged up the rain guard, and smiled in the sun in the crisp fall air.

People have sworn at us and smiled at us, cheered us on and told us to get the f@$k off the road.  People have screamed at me “let’s see the babbyyyyyyy”, and have almost run us over with their cars. People have honked their car horns at us, and totally ignored us because they were MUCH more serious athletes than I am.  

I believe that my guy has learned patience from the untold hours in the stroller.  He has learned to occupy himself when he is bored and there is nothing for him to play with or do.  He learned to angle his head so that the brim of his hat keeps the sun out of his eyes. He knows what dogs in our neighborhood bark at us, who is kind to us, and when I can and cannot talk to him based on hills.

It’s getting harder to run with him now that he is getting so much bigger, and I am genuinely going to miss it when we can’t anymore.  He has been such a trooper through the last 4 years of running with me. Maybe soon he will be running WITH me, but I suspect that won’t last long either before he gets way faster than I am.

I sure am grateful that I get to be that guy’s mom.

Weekend of Mexican!

Cultural appropriation?  Probably, and sorrrryyyyyyyyyyyyy.

I really do just like me some Mexican food though.  Or rather, Americanized Mexican food? When that’s the fixings the grocery store is selling because the fifth of May falls over that weekend, that’s what we go with.  With glee in our hearts.

When there is a margarita waiting for me when I arrive home from a work on Friday you best believe I am not turning it down.  Ulcer be damned (it really was damned BTW, it hurt so bad but the margaritas were delicious and worth it).

Carnitas.  So delicious.  Came into my life so late.  Friday MattHowk threw a pork butt in the instant pot while I was at work with some lime juice and spices, then we shredded it up when I got home.  We had carnitas tacos with homemade guacamole (who knew my pastry cutter worked so well for guacamole).

Sunday we made nachos with the leftover carnitas.  I piled those chippies with cheese, carnitas, corn, black beans, and black olives.  Two layers, then baked and topped with more homemade guacamole and a white queso I made.  It’s a pinterest recipe that I have made before, somehow I think I have omitted the cornstarch in the past.  If you find a queso recipe that calls for it, I recommend notttttttt. Unless you like white cheese flavored bricks of rubber.  In that case, have at it.

I’m appreciating the choice not to run the half right now, in light of the delicious eating.  I did still run this weekend, but if I have to choose between my stomach hurting from a margarita or an 11 mile stroller run, I’m likely going to choose that margarita.

MattHowk makes really excellent guacamole.  Don’t buy those blue corn chips in the background, they’re a good volume and price, but too many are broken every time. Also, margaritas are gross with vodka. Oopsie.

My baguettes were so much better this time!!!!!!!!!

YAY!  I am SO glad they were so much better this time, since baguettes require a SIGNIFICANT time investment and allow for a very small window for enjoyment!

The first time I made baguettes was for Christmas, and they came out ok.  They looked great, but the taste was eh. That time I used a recipe that we had found on the YouTube from a baker in the UK I believe.  It WAS, however, excellent for showing technique. I strongly felt that they were bland and needed salt.

I took the dust jacket off

This time I used a recipe from the America’s Test Kitchen cookbook (which is rapidly becoming my favorite go to for all the things) and I was SO SO SO much happier with the results!  I haven’t compared the recipes to see how they were different, but everyone who ate the newest attempt felt that the flavor was right on.

One notable difference was that the ATK recipe called for the dough to rest in the fridge for 24-72 hours before baking.  This is very similar to the cold rise needed for the NY pizza dough recipe of theirs that I have been using, so I was on board.  At first I was stressed about the space in my fridge and the number of large bowls I would have, then I remember that MattHowk gave me proofing buckets for Christmas.  I used one of those and it worked out SO GREAT. Wicket and I had fun watching it and seeing what the gasses in it were doing all week.

Sunday I spent a bunch of time making the dough, which this time I was able to make in the Kitchenaid mixer rather than by hand.  I was very pleased with this change. It did take the same amount of time to rest initially as the first recipe did, then did also require the 4 beatings at 45 minute intervals.  Then it rested for a few days.

It then also required the same time process of resting for at least 30 minutes at each stage of shaping.  I turned it out and cut it into 4 pieces, let it rest, shaped it into cylinders, let it rest, THEN shaped it into baguettes and let it rest on the couche.  This recipe called for a garbage bag over it, which I imagine replicates humidity and helps it rise? I put the bag over it, but did NOT put the whole situation in the bag like it called for.  I then baked them, two of them to about 90% and two to about 75% done.

I knew I wasn’t going to have time Saturday to go through the process for baking them, and since you need to eat them within 3-4 hours of them coming out of the oven, I decided to let them cool then freeze them and put them back in the oven to warm up right before we needed them Saturday.  This worked out SO GREAT! It worked a bit better for the slightly less cooked ones, the more cooked ones were pretty crunchy on the outside. Both were soft and chewy and airy on the inside though. Definitely a success.

I admittedly did not 100% follow all of the technique steps.  First off, I let them rest in the fridge for longer than 72 hours.  They take so long on either end of preparation that I wasn’t going to have time on a weekday.  So I made the dough and went through the kneading process on Sunday. The ATK pizza dough has worked out GREAT being in the fridge for longer than 72 hours so I felt confident in this choice.  Maybe there is some essential quality that starts to break down, but we are amateurs so it tasted great to us. I also did not cover the baguettes with an aluminum pan for the first 5 minutes of baking.  I am sure this is to replicate the “oven within an oven” thing for a bit AND keep them from getting to brown too fast, but I didn’t have them so I didn’t do it. I also couldn’t quite figure out how to stack them.  Maybe the problem is that I make them on a pizza stone instead of a baking stone since I don’t have one. I guess I need one.

I was so so happy with this attempt.  Now I just need to make them more so I get better at shaping, and maybe get a baking stone so that the baguettes actually fit completely on the baking surface.  I am happy with this recipe, it’s just me who needs improvement at this point!

Making progress!  Delicious, crusty, lovely smelling bread shaped progress.  That’s the kind of progress I want in my life. Also the kind I apparently do not take photos of.

May the fourth be with you

To celebrate, Wicket and I ran the most enjoyable 4 miles I have run in a loooooong time.

We are trying to embrace our new normal for exercising, or at least my plan for the summer.  To start, my watch was out of juice. So I ran data naked. I know I ran 4 miles because I know my routes, but I have no idea how fast I ran or what my splits were.  DOES IT EVEN REALLY HAPPEN IF THERE IS NO DATA? My body sure thinks it happened. And it was fun. I smiled the whole time.

We decided to run 4 miles since it was May fourth.  We are Star Wars fans. Wicket was an excellent running buddy, even though he was resistant to start.  That would have massively stressed me out if I was trying to get in 11 miles. We had such a great experience.  You know those days when everyone in the wide world is rude to runners? This was not that day. We had so many people smile and wave at us, honk their horns at us, or yell encouragement out their mini van windows because they were also moms who run.  We passed one old man who bowed to us. That was new.

I typically have set days for strength and set days for running.  But I since I decided not to train for anything else for the rest of the summer AT LEAST, that can go out the window.  I can run on the days I want to run, and do strength on the days I want to do strength. Today (Sunday) is GAME OF THRONES day, so I am going to be TIRED tomorrow.  I decided to do a good strength workout today and rest on Monday. Because I can.

wicket gave us a thumbs up

I ran, and I loved it.  Because I love running. Wicket had a good time not being confined to the stroller for 2 hours while I ran 11 miles.  I feel happier and lighter and relieved. I’m not second guessing the decision at all. And gee, my sinus infection is almost all the way gone.  Coincidence?

I also noticed that while I suspect my weight is still higher (I am still holding myself back from weighing myself), my core is looking much more defined.  I am looking forward to seeing what a period of consistent strength training, which I have never done, can do for my body.

I just felt happy after that run.  Happy and calm and relaxed and I went with the flow for the rest of my day.  That hasn’t happened in a long time. Maybe there is something to this! Maybe if the whole process is starting to stress us out, we need to remind ourselves why we do it and change things up.  I didn’t realize I was feeling tired thinking about the training I had in store for myself this summer, now I’m just feeling free and excited.

It was fun to wear one of my “free” race shirts for a fun run, but it was NOT fun for my 4 year old to lick my face.  One of my favorite bloggers posted this week about how she usually takes about 40 photos for every one she posts until she finds one she likes.  CLEARLY I don’t put that much care into it, and post myself looking any old way.

What? You don’t drink your beet root powder out of a mustard jar?


Sorry, Sacandaga

I’ve been going back and forth on this for a couple of weeks, but now it’s official.  I’m not running the Great Sacandaga half marathon. Does it suck? Yes. Do I hate losing the money?  YES. Would it have been super neat to be a part of an inaugural event? For sure! Did I totally want to run with my beautiful favorite cousin girl? Absolutely! Is it a little bit of a relief?  Also yes.

My beautiful Jill lol

I went to the GI doctor today, and did a whole lot of talking.  Talking about my current symptoms, talking about when I have experienced these types of things in the past and what those circumstances were, and answering questions that I hadn’t anticipated, like whether or not I ever have difficulty swallowing, even if it’s only occasionally.  That’s a yes right there.

I go for an Endoscopy on June 5.  They will put a scope down my throat to check out whether or not I have rings from reflux rising that I may not be aware of (I almost never get heartburn), check for an ulcer, do a stomach biopsy to check for the h. Pylori bacteria, and check for any other irregularities.  She agreed that I have a sinus infection, but I can’t go on an antibiotic since that would affect the bacteria in my gut, if it’s there.We will then figure out the course of action once we have that info.

I wasn’t told not to run, in fact I was told to continue to exercise, but to do so differently from the way I have become accustomed.  The FNP I met with is also a runner, so she does get it. She did, however, manage to hit on a few very interesting points without knowing me at all and just discerning my tales of illnesses and training over the past few years.  

She said it sounds to her an awful lot like I’m doing too much.  NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE. She said it sounds to her like my body is throwing up red flags and cries for help that are not being fully attended to.  She said that the going from training cycle to training cycle without adequate breaks for physical and mental regeneration could absolutely lower my resistances, OR put them into hyperdrive which would have the same affect.  She said that while I am still young, I have to acknowledge that at 38, everything that was easy at 30 isn’t quite so anymore. She said that someone who works full time outside of the home and has a husband who works full time on an opposite shift and a child to ALWAYS care for needs to be more protective of her downtown and relaxation.

Do those things really sound like me?  WHATEVER. Now you all sound like MattHowk!

Truly though, I shouldn’t have signed up for this half, and losing that money is the literal price I pay.  I used to race just once a year, but now that I have gotten a bit better I keep trying to do more and more, even though I have much more on my plate than I used to.

I will keep running shorter distances, under 5 miles, and doing kettlebell and see what it does for me and my body.  When I don’t feel great and need a couple of days off, I will take them. If a 10k or a 5k comes up that I want to run, I’ll do it!  Otherwise, no pressure. No obligations. No training plans.

Having a medical professional who doesn’t know you at all tell  you everything that your husband who knows you VERY WELL has been telling you is very humbling. I am never averse to admitting I was wrong, and this time, MattHowk was right.

I guess thinking about it, the last year has looked like Ragnar training—ankle recovery—marathon training—one month break—half marathon training.  Maybeeeeeeee that’s toooo muccccchhhhhhhh when you put it that wayyyyy…….

Downtown Social review

Trying to look cute to go out, looking more like a bobblehead

MattHowk, Wicket and I went out to dinner last night with Matt’s dad and stepmother to the Downtown Social.  I was supposed to go a few weeks ago for a benefit for a friend, but Wicket got sick so I stayed home with him and MattHowk went.  I have been burning with jealousy ever since and was so excited at the opportunity to go this weekend!

Downtown Social is a newer restaurant in Glens Falls, a sister to the Downtown City Tavern that we went to last weekend.  It used to be Aimees Dinner and a Movie, but that went out of business and has since been completely renovated. It’s a prime Glen St location and a VERY large space so I wasn’t surprised that someone took it over, but it was still really weird to be in there without the theaters.  It was sort of an oddly chopped up space before, now it feels so open. They did a truly lovely job with the renovation.

We had an early reservation, because kids, and the timing of it worked out so that once MattHowk got home from work we were able to walk downtown from our house.  It was a little chilly, but we only live about a mile away from downtown so we’ve been wanting to try walking out and see how it works for us, with Wicket in the stroller of course.  Then you don’t have to have a DD. SCORE!

We had a nice walk, and when we got there the staff was all so nice and let us stash Wicket’s stroller off to the side instead of having to take it to the table.  We were immediately seated, and Brian and Dawn showed up right after. The booths are on the upper level and are large and curved, I think they are the originals from Aimees that have been reupholstered.

Having looked at the menu online I didn’t see a kids menu, so I was surprised and happy that they had one available for Wicket. We had discussed either a cheeseburger or mac and cheese earlier in the day, so he was glad both of those were on the menu, but out of nowhere decided he wanted a hot dog, he was out of luck on that one.  He came around when he realized he could have his burger on a pretzel bun. I don’t know if they had milk, but they did give him his water in a covered cup with a straw, just like DTCT last weekend, which is very helpful. The kids menu also flips over to be a picture and they gave him crayons, which he used as weapons. Our guy isn’t so into coloring.

We all made our drink orders, I got a Sangria on special  that was recommended by our server and was surprisingly lovely and dry and potent. MattHowk got the Social Old Fashioned which I almost chose.  Our drinks came out pretty fast, and we got the Brussels Sprout Chips for the table. Oh my goddddddddddddd I am still thinking about those. We roast brussels sprouts a lot and love them, these were smashed then flash fried and I am still thinking about them.  So delicioussssssssssss. If you are a brussels sprouts person, I cannot recommend them enough and you will not regret it.

Our server kindly put Wicket’s order in first, cheeseburger on a pretzel bun, then we made ours.  I got waylaid taking Wicket to the bathroom (which was also renovated and is lovely) so I needed another minute.  I once again asked her opinion between the mac and cheese with pulled pork or the poutine with pulled pork, and with her input decided on the poutine with pulled pork (can’t stop won’t stop with the poutine lately), MattHowk got the El Diablo burger.  Considering our party was slightly larger than average our food came out pretty fast!

It was all so good!  Since I had just had the poutine at DTCT last weekend I was sort of expecting that again, but that is NOT what I got. It was definitely elevated from what I have been getting lately, the gravy alone called to my soul and could become my life’s blood.  The fries were hand cut and crispy and excellent. The curds married with it all and the pulled pork was less aggressive than some and just went along for the ride. I did have a fairly large chunk of fat in with my pork, but what can you do, that’s a thing.  MattHowk said his burger was excellent and that everything went together perfectly.

I was happy to see that it had really filled up in there by the time we were leaving.  I also saw on facebook after we got home that they were to have a DJ last night, their stage area is nice.  I am betting that for people who stay up late and go to stuff, that’s a really fun place and a great venue to play or see music in.

We had a great dinner with Matt’s parents, and would absolutely recommend Downtown Social to anyone, even if you are rolling with kids in your entourage.  What a great addition to downtown! Is it going to give Davidson’s a run for their money in summer when they also have Glen St and alley seating? I am thinking soooooooooo.

I suck at recovery

For someone who writes about recovery so much, and talks about it and thinks about it, I absolutely suck at it.  So I drank some beet root powder after a workout or run. WOOP DE DOO! That’s just a piece of it sister!

One would think that a full grown, 38 year old human would perhaps know herself well?  Well that’s an excellent assumption, but I suspect you would need to move on down the line to my husband if you wanted an accurate answer about how I REALLY do or would respond to things, rather than an idealized version which is what I would give you.

We already covered last week that I have an ulcer.  Welp, none of what we had planned for the weekend was particularly kind to it.  I enjoyed every minute of every food and beverage, but I also had points where I REALLY paid for them.  In pain. I paid in pain. I also may or may not have mentioned in the past that sleep is my kryptonite. So pretty much a weekend in which I ran 10 miles, drank all the wines and a few beers, ate all the wonderful fatty things, and slept far less than I usually do took a significant toll on me. And would have even if I didn’t have an ulcer.  Oh hey, and did you know that no matter how late they go to bed, lots of kids still get up at 6am? Yeah I knew that too. I went to bed after midnight anyway.

Did I let that stop me from trying to proceed as usual?  OF COURSE NOT SILLY! I dragged my ass up out of bed Monday to go to work, and ran on my lunch break.  I immediately knew I was making a poor choice. I had woken up with what I am confident is a sinus infection, so in addition to a blinding headache in my face and copious amounts of fluorescent snot drainage, I ran a hilly 3 mile route with gut pain.  About a quarter mile in my face and my left calf were bothering me (though that was the only time all day I was able to breathe), and my body felt really tight and wrong and my stomach hurt, but I did it anyway. Dumb.

This is how Wicket spent a large amount of our time out at lunch last weekend. He was fine as long as he was holding his friend’s hand. Or shoveling food into his face

Unfortunately, I am not the only human in my house for whom sleep, or rather the lack thereof, is their kryptonite.  This is not a parenting blog, but I am a parent and therefore parenting colors most of my choices and experiences. I went home feeling physically horrendous (largely my own fault) to find a boy who was viciously overtired and being MEAN because of it.  What a delight Monday evening was. Wicket and I fought and screamed at each other over cleaning up toys and how we treat our things, then about changing and getting ready for bed. Usually I try to remain calm and kind in the face of his screaming and melting (which is admittedly very rare, he’s not a fit pitcher), but I was incapable that day.

Oh hay, all you Legos. And the Easter basket

A crappy day and a crappier evening culminated in every single Lego that Wicket owns on top of the fridge because he has lost his privileges, and in me unfairly rage texting my husband.  NOW I can see that I was behaving towards MattHowk exactly as Wicket was behaving towards me. Sorrrrryyyyyyyyyyyy, I love youuuuuuuuuu.

Tuesday evening was not better.  Wicket spend the majority of his evening naked, because he refused to dress himself.  He deigned to put on pants for dinner, which he did kindly tell me was soooooooo delicious as he was dropping red sauce all over the pants he had just put on, then refused to get changed or ready for bed because he was NOT TIRED.  I couldn’t do it. I went to bed and left him out. Just wandering around, half dressed with toys and messes everywhere. He did NOT like it and immediately got himself ready for bed, which was a relief. He was also literally asleep within 10 minutes of starting to get ready for bed.

ALL of this occurred because I did a bad job recovering.  I am a human who needs to sleep, and typically runs on a much earlier schedule than others so I can’t stay up to their normal times, and who feels compelled to exercise even when not feeling 100%.  Turns out that just isn’t sustainable anymore the way it was when I was 30. As a result, I took two feel weekdays off of any kind of exercising at all. Usually even when I don’t run I will try to do a strength exercise, but instead I have been focusing on resting and recovering.  I haven’t even been running around cleaning everything in sight like usual.

I am fully well aware that I am 3 weeks out from a half marathon.  Guess what? It doesn’t matter. If I can’t run it because my body is trashed, then I can’t run it.  It SUCKS to lose the money, but at least those types of entry fees always go to a good cause. First and foremost I need to be a good, functional, kind human. An ulcer and a sinus infection go a long way towards compromising that, but then if you throw in compulsively exercising just “because it’s a run day” without listening to the rest of what my body is going through it becomes nearly impossible.

While we’re on the topic, as part of my recovery plan I have stopped weighing myself.  If I like what I see in the mirror, why do I let a stupid number derail that? No more, stupid scale.  Whole days have been ruined by that jerk.

As Julia said the other day on our wonderful run, it’s about longevity.  Resting and recovery is SO SO important, and nothing can continue to function without it.  I cannot compare myself to the much better runners whose blogs I read and the amount and type of recovery that works for them.  I am a human who needs more rest than I would care to admit. If mom is melting, the rest of life is too.

Oh, and guess what happened over night because I didn’t clean anything up before I quit life and went to bed.  You’ll never guess. It’s incredible. NOTHING AT ALL. My house was still standing, we woke up alive, and the messes were still there.  MAGICAL.

This seems like an appropriate time and sentiment for recycling this image
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